I don't know what just happened but I just like, snapped out of it..and I think that I am going to look at tomorrow differently. I am starting to feel the new beginning get closer...and it feels MUCh better than things have felt. You know what the best part is? I still have great friends, family, and a Tj to share it with...because you all cared...and you've hung on with me. You haven't held it against me either. The fact that I haven't been there for you enough this year and certainly haven't kept in touch so well. Let me explain;

 As  far as life in Minnesota, I came to the conclusion that I never really DID adjust this year and that I have been depressed since the day I arrived. Naturally, when I am depressed, I allow myself to put distance between those whom I love and that is what I did! I KNOW that I have made some of you (that I hope are reading this) feel as if I just got bored with our friendship or didn't care enough to put the effort into you, I'm so sorry. It has affected me socially and kept me from making any friends until recently. It impairs my ability to do the things I love to do as well. I haven't gotten into my art and I stopped running! I've carried through my each & every day doing the same, mundane, things (like classes, eating, sleeping, sitting...) and not much in between. I can't believe that I didn't see these obvious signs of it earlier (since I am no stranger to that joyous chemical imbalance of the brain, a.k.a depression). In fact, it wasn't until that familiar cloud of confusing, consuming, emotions hit me, that I started to REALLY FEEL depressed. It didn't clearly present itself until life got stressful and I reached a breaking point with being lonesome. It didn't sink in until I was crying uncontrollabley in my car, by a creek over how I have felt this whole year without even knowing what set me off. I don't feel my life is completely pointless, I HAVE made accomplishments but I just haven't been satisfied with my life and couldn't figure anything out. 

This might seem like a good way to get you to feel bad for me but it isn't that at all. I am merely explaining my recent revelations to you in the hopes that you can see why I have been "as distant as the distance between us itself". Even more than that... I want to thank you. As I said in the opening to this entry, you are STILL with me. Because you were strong and weren't so quick to let me pull away from you, I get to keep the wonderful friends that I made long ago in my life as I GET A GRIP and let myself live as I should! 

I actually laugh now at this year for, if you can imagine going through an entire year, and making accomplishments but not having put your heart into ANY of them?..It's pretty pathetic. Haha! I don't even know if this makes sense or if it just sounds like a cheesy blurb from the Chicken Soup books but I don't care. As long as you, friends, family, anyone in my life, get the jist of things and know that I appreciate you, then I have done what I meant to do with this slightly corny and out of nowhere ramble! I sincerely thank youand....I love you!  So how 'bout it....See you around? =D Summer sounds like the perfect opportunity to do so....If you ask me...